1. Scenes of my life aren't nearly as funny or dramatic without background music. Especially when the scene is being retold to someone who wasn't there.
2. In movies, husbands and wives go to bed at night and commence something I have decided must be a myth: they cuddle. My husband is under the impression that cuddling and groping are synonyms. I ask if he wants to cuddle, and all of a sudden I'm in the middle of an attack from all sides. A few nights ago there was a storm going on while we were falling asleep. I told him I was scared. To calm me he put his hand on my ass.
3. There aren't any monsters or faceless men under the bed OR in the closet. And I know for sure, because I make Nick check every night.
4. Brad Pitt and some hot actor get in a huge fight, resulting with someone slamming the door on their way out. Later that night, when the girl gets home from work or drinking the night away, Brad Pitt has bought her an entire new wardrobe. Without a job, nonetheless. When Nick and I get in a fight I'm lucky if he even remembers when I get home.
5. I will not age like Demi Moore. When I am 50 I will droop everywhere and the phrase 'putting on my face' won't just meaning putting on my make-up in the morning.
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